i found this really cute side
and i will make screenshots of
it because i luv it so much
such nice people ...

and here now a cute video i found <3

morning musume = love [kumi-chan desu X3]

and the best thing is i watched
the death note movies for the first
time ...oh my god they were so
awesome X3 now i am a fan of it too X3

i really have to say that my christmas
totally sucked ... we had the typical
family arguementso well whatever
...the most important thing is that now
christmas is nothing special to me
anymore it´s a day like all the other
days ... i was used to be very happy
before christmas but this is now over
my only thoughts are "working...

and more working" till the end of all
my energies
and i recognized myself as the little
bitch i uses to be ... well whatever

now to happy things
i signed in at this wonderful and really
cute webside ...

it´s very cute and their are
very nice people as well

[last words: fuck off everything]

i´m not myself
i´m acting really strange
and i don´t know why
i try to make everyone happy
around me but it´s so
difficult because in my deep
i don´t want this
i don´t want to be nice to
anyone but i´m expecting them
to be nice to me ...

that´s weird and not really
realistic v_v
i feel so damn stupid everything
is so burdening for me
i think i really need some time
for myself but i don´t want
to be alone
the fact of being alone scares
me so much but maybe it would
be better because i´m not really
human lately ...
i don´t talk really much to
anyone...

i try to be happy but i think that
my inner is very destroyed and
confused ...
i don´t really know if i really have
friends because their are all
so mean to me (maybe it´s my one
immagination)
why do i have to expect so much of
people? i´m an arrogant bitch
i think v_v

but i´m still living with this fact
and this is calming me sometimes~
the last thing i want to say is
the people who think i´m okay lately
well it´s not like it seems
please don´t be mad at me if i´m
acting so dumb~

~owari~

yesterday i started again to listen
very much dir en grey songs ... and
i remembered so much feelings like
they slept in me. well i felt something
like deep hate against the society that
nearly made me vomit ...
why has everyone be so egoistic?
why are there so little people that are
really honest? and why is living so
damn despairing?

i really want to know and i started to
think about it but i only got more and
more angry about humans . . .
my generation should really start to
make everything better but we are so
annoying for the most people with our
way of thinking or handling situations.
we are the "lost generation" without
any hope who are damned to work till
they die ...
well that´s not fair but we still have
to nod our heads and smile friendly

but why should we still smile?
                                 

it´s time to calm a lil bit
my soul needs to rest and
my heart needs some sleep
so i will not go away for
some time not really like
going out with friends[...]

i´m not sick of it but
i need some time for myself
so let me all rest a lil bit
i hope that i´m going nowhere
till new year´s eve and than
i can party a lil bit~
but till then i will concentrate

on me and my school and
my thoughts i´m going
to chill, work, and give my soul
some inspiration back
because my soul is very sleepy
like my body
so maybe a rest wouldn´t be bad

to all my friends
please don´t be mad at me
i luv you all with every fibre
of my heart but please give me
some time~

[this vid is damn cute <3]

[owari of my soul and heart]

i´m so exhausted of the real world
i wish to go to wonderland~ so much
and i know that all my friends would
be some charackters in it like:

- steffi (maybe the bunny)
- jessi (the "smiling" cat XD)
- chrissi (the queen of the hearts)
- tizzy (madhatter *har*)
- and so on...

yes this is a real nice immagination~

[music madness]

(owari <3)

watch this please XD